50 B4 50
I will soon turn 45 and that half-century milestone is now within sight. I have some mixed emotions.
At this point in my life I have more close friends in their 50’s than their 40’s. And lucky for me, they are strong, intelligent, sassy, amazing women that show no fear of age. If I am looking for inspiration I need not look any further than these women that I call friends. They are the ladies that I follow to concerts, camping, impromptu parties, taco nights, bloody mary brunches, ski hills and some slightly questionable drinking establishments. They make the 50’s look graceful and natural and simply fun.
Then the other feelings hit. You know the ones I’m talking about. The insecurities (What have I actually accomplished?). The panic (But I still feel 29! Ok, maybe 39, but still…). The fear (I’m running out of time!). The anger (50 years I still can’t make my hair look good or fold a fitted sheet!). And the big one… simple disbelief (Wait… What?!?)
I hate to disappoint but I have no comforting words of wisdom or even brooding philosophical musings on the highs and lows of aging. It happens and we learn to deal with it. Period.
My personal coping mechanism at this point is planning, with a little dreaming thrown in. I have been contemplating what I would like to accomplish in the next 5 years, during my countdown to my own half-century mark. Contrary to my previous statements about insecurities, fears and panic, I have accomplished quite a few major milestones in my life thus far. I have given birth to and raised some pretty incredible human beings. I have been a friend, a wife, a student, a fundraiser, a caretaker, a leader, a volunteer and a nurturer, to name a few. But I know I can do more. More funny, more happy, more meaningful and more risky. These are not the big Bucket List things – I have that list as well! This list is meant to be a little more fun and maybe a little more selfish, with some obligatory activities thrown in. Some are things I have done in the past and want to do again. Some are more chores or obligations I’ve been avoiding for one reason or another. Aside from those tasks, the purpose is less “major milestones and dream vacations” and more “Hell yes, I’m a badass middle aged woman!”
One note before you judge me for my list… keep in mind that we all have different fears and phobias. Some people thrive on facing those fears and overcoming obstacles. Some people face fears with logic and understanding. Some people can talk about their fears and watch them dissipate in the light of day as a rainbow appears overhead. Personally, I do more panic attacks and moderate anxiety. That’s right, my coping mechanisms are an occasional Xanax and near constant fretting. So it probably goes without saying that some of the things on my list may be things that an average person does without batting an eye yet renders me a blubbering mess hiding in a bathroom somewhere. We’re all different.
My 50 Things To Do Before Turning 50…
- Go on a vacation with a girlfriend. (Must include an airplane and spa service)
- Get a new passport.
- Use passport mentioned above.
- Have another mammogram
- Have easy, low maintenance hair.
- Learn to golf well enough to play with my husband.
- Attend an event requiring a fancy-schmancy dress.
- Drive the truck with the trailer attached.
- Learn to not hate Brussel sprouts
- Backup my digital photos
- Throw a baseball in a way that doesn’t embarrass my kids
- Have a photograph of myself that I don’t hate.
- Ski a black diamond run
- Write one book review a month
- Learn how to pose for a photo
- Find a flexible job/source of income.
- Take a class to learn gun safety and use.
- Have family pictures done
- Find a doctor (instead of just going to Urgent Care when something’s wrong)
- Watch all of the Godfather movies.
- Write something every week (a blog post, a letter, journaling…)
- Organize and scan important photos
- Regularly laugh until I cry
- Learn to take a great selfie
- Wear heels whenever and wherever I want
- Get another tattoo
- Go to a high school reunion
- Get on the KissCam at a baseball game
- Actually do a craft project with all of the wine corks I have saved
- Watch all of the Star Wars movies in order
- Take my husband on a surprise vacation
- Start hosting get togethers again.
- Plan a surprise party
- Learn to bake bread that isn’t mistaken for a brick
- Have bedroom furniture that matches
- Keep a houseplant alive and healthy
- Go horseback riding
- Learn to knit or crochet
- Master eyelash application
- Learn to dance with my husband
- Send birthday cards on time
- Celebrate the little holidays
- Lose enough weight to be comfortable in the clothes I want to wear
- Grow a successful garden that I don’t give up on after a few weeks.
- Learn to ride a motorcycle
- Buy a kayak and be comfortable on the water
- Learn to fly fish. (and not freak out if I catch something and have to touch it)
- Take a cooking class
- Complete a half-marathon (notice I didn’t specify run)
- Organize and downsize the “things to save” bins in the garage.
Learning to Aim 